When I was in highschool, every week my friend and I would decide on a song that represented our life that week. We called it ‘The soundtrack of our life” (for that week). It would either be the lyrics, the music or the mood of the song that suited our life and the way we felt at the moment. I don’t have much to write about my life right now. But I’m just going to leave you with the soundtrack of my life this week:

RED BY SARAH BAREILLES

I’ve been down, I’ve been out
I did it all on my own
Seems growing up Didn’t take long

It moves fast and it scares me
I close my eyes, oh but I still see

I feel strange, I feel good
I feel better with you
You’ve changed, you should
Cause I think I did too

I dive in and I sink in
And I find new colors to think in

I’m fading in and out
What are you supposed to do to save me now
From all of this danger you don’t know how
And I’ll find my way out
When I’m in the red
Listening to strangers inside my head
The darkening angels beneath the bed
I still see everything you said
Crimson in red

I shake and I smile
Cause you said
it takes a while, but take the good from the bad

Might win, i might lose

My sin is as i choose

I’m fading in and out
What are you supposed to do to save me now
From all of this danger you don’t know how
And I’ll find my way out
When I’m in the red
Listening to strangers inside my head
The darkening angels beneath the bed
I still see everything you said
Crimson in red

In the distance is a line defining where I’ve been
The state I’m in And ever since it began to slip from my two hands

I’ve been taunting fires, touching wires, been believing liars
Everything they said
Painted in red
Painted in red
Painted in red

I am fading in and out
What are you gonna do save me know
From all of this danger you don’t know how
I’ll find my way out
When I’m in the red
Listening to strangers inside my head
The darkening angels beneath the bed
I still see what you said

I am a true believer of the power of ideas… I know that once you set your mind to do something, nothing can get in your way and everything that tries to will get sucked up in your storm of ideas and end up opening your path.

Ideas.

My head have been spinning with them lately… one after the other. The thing about ideas is that they are like drugs. After finding that one idea that you come up with becomes a tangible product/event/action that people praise and follow, you can’t stop. You just need to find something new to see whether people will willingly catch the ball and start rolling it down the hill until it becomes one huge snowball that cannot be stopped.

Anita Roddick, founder of the Bodyshop, said: ‘those who are great a starting things are terrible at running them.’ I find this uncomfortably true… Once my ideas and projects receive overflowing support and attention, I itch to start something new… It’s such a terrible habit of mine.

Case in hand is this movement that I started in campus called Gerakan Kertas Bolak-balik. It was a movement that advocated for consumer awareness; particularly in the way people consume paper. This movement – if you can really call it a movement, as it really was just a friend, Netty and I who were the core behind this project – tried to get the faculty to regulate the use of paper in campus by making it obligatory to use both sides of the paper. It sounds really simple but quite affective to ensure that paper consumption could be reduced… Anyways, we collected signatures for a petition and almost got 400 people to sign. Although the faculty said they supported the idea, it was never made into a regulation…

Anyways, even though the main target of the movement wasn’t achieved, I have been getting overwhelming questions on this movement and offers to make this more official. This has made me really proud as my ideas are like babies to me. They came from and were nourished by me until society accepted them into their hands. Although I would like to see Gerakan Kertas Bolak-balik become bigger and more contributive to social change, I would prefer to have someone take it off my hands and do that for me… (Sort of makes you wonder how I would treat my babies in the future, huh… hahaha)

Anyways, Ideas… They are great things. They simply can’t die unless no one can find interest in them. So, yeah… don’t belittle abstract idea in your head… Just let them grow and who knows… maybe someone might come along and develop them for you!

This post is a tribute to Noka, my cellphone, that was just stolen an hour ago on the bus… It’s amazing how crippled we are without our gadgets! I really can’t do a lot of things without my cellphone since all of my contacts are on that phone! I’m really too lazy to write anything right now, but I thought Noka deserves to be acknowledge somewhere for making my life so much more easier… SO this one’s for you, Noka… Where ever you are…

I hope the bastard who took you uses you for good things like making sure his kids could go to school, or paying for hospital fees, or putting food on the table, etc… Otherwise… I hope you’re not worth that much in the market… no offense, Noka… hehehe…

Dhika*Shines

Yesterday was my first time riding business class in Garuda. I know that is such a dorky thing to be amazed about but I just couldn’t help myself…. The service was amazing… The food was pretty good for an airplane dinner and everyone kept smiling whenever they served you….

First cool thing that you get when you ride business is that you get to wait in this really cool lounge with really comfortable couches. The second thing is that you get an all-you-can-eat buffet and nice comfortable couches. You feel that you definitely must indulge and nothing can stop you from doing so because everything is specially provided for you… Although there is one thing that I don’t understand… I mean, they designed the lounge so that people could relax or even sleep while they wait for the plane right? And yet, in Soekarno-Hatta they put it so far away from the gates that even if you get some rest before boarding you still have to rush through the gate. Why couldn’t they just put the lounge close by, making the money really worth it…? OR they could just make this special tunnel that electronically brings the seat where you’re sitting onto the plane and that way you don’t even have to stand up! Now THAT’S executive treatment…

Now, the first thing you notice when you get onboard is how spacious your seat is. I’m so sure that you could push in two economic seats into one seat area that a business class provides. And yet, airlines are continuously trying to make economic seats smaller and smaller to allow more people in… And when dinner arrives there are two things that they do. The first thing is they lay out a cloth on your so-called table before they bring in the food. Like seriously… no matter how you disguise the table, I’ll still know that it’s really just a board fastened to my seat, right? But I guess to get on business means you pay to avoid seeing any form of ugliness…

And this brings me to the silverware… When I was little I remember vaguely that even economic passengers get silverware and not plastic utilities. I remember because when I get home I’ll find additional silverware with the airline’s logo on it in my mom’s kitchen… hahaha… I guess too many people in economy were taking the silverware that they started to give out plastic… I guess, they think that people who can afford a business ticket would never steal silverware… This is where I think they went wrong… they miscalculated thinking people who were flying business or executive paid for their own ticket… And of course the fact that I’ve got a really nice spoon in my bag sort of proves them wrong… *wink wink*

So yeah… I’m in Balikpapan. What for… well… it’s for the sake for riding on business class I guess…

Dhika*Shines

As many of you might already know, I’m an active member of the English Debating Society Universitas Indonesia. In this society we have an internal joke: it is highly believed that EDS UI should provide affirmative action for men! This joke comes from the fact that the most dominant members (meaning those that have the most achievements or are members of the Board of Executives) are generally ladies. In fact, the number of men in the society is very limited and most of them disappear through time.

We really do not know why this happens, because we definitely do not discriminate men. Neither is debating a ‘women’ activity as in other countries and other universities the condition is quite the opposite. In fact in Australia it has come to a point where there is a competition named the ‘Women’s Debate’. As the name suggests it is a special tournament where only women can compete and was formed in order to encourage more female participation in Australian debating.

So, it’s really weird that EDS UI has the opposite problem…

Now, of course both problems might not have anything to do with gender differentiation. Could just be the reason why women dominate the debating realm in EDS UI is simply because there’s more women than men in UI as a whole.

OR (looking for a more interesting theory) it could be a vicious cycle where at one point in time women did dominate EDS UI out of coincidence. This made many men feel uncomfortable and started to see EDS UI as a women’s club, leaving only those most confident with their masculinity behind. And this phenomenon has repeated year after year to a point where it has become an unbreakable cycle…

Of course this may not be true, but that’s my theory. A theory supported by a fellow female debater in EDS UI who contributed to this theory by adding: “The thing with men is they’re easily intimidated by women who can out-speak them whenever there’s an argument or achieve more than they do. That’s why many can’t stand the women domination in EDS UI.”

Ah… interesting point… God knows how many times I’ve heard guys say something like that to me… *sigh… personal problem*…

Anyways, this article wasn’t meant to beat men to the ground. In fact, I’m writing this to do the opposite because I’ve finally found a case that has restored my confidence in men. This is a story that I’ve heard from Wijay about a mutual friend of ours.

Here it is: A friend of mine from EDS UI who is quite an accomplished debater (Let’s call her ‘T’) has been in a long term relationship with her boyfriend, ‘R’ who isn’t a debater but is quite involved in the debating world.

One day, a friend of his asked R: ‘Aren’t you intimidated by the fact that your girlfriend is more successful than you?’

He answered: ‘Why should I be? What’s wrong isn’t T’s achievements. What’s wrong is your definition of success.’

HAIL T!!!!

Finally…

People are so persistent in comparing CVs and feeling inferior just because they haven’t ‘achieved’ the same ‘successes’ as others… But why should we all assume that there’s only one definition and one form of success??? The term success is so relative and yet people often only focus on financial successes or titles… I mean, all of those things are so overrated. Why can’t people define success as they want to and just be happy to achieve what THEY want to achieve in life without having to define their success by standards made by others? I’m sure this will allow people to be more confident with themselves and won’t feel like a lesser being in front of others… it would also force people to be less obnoxious just because there are people who have a less ambitious definition of success then them.

People should just remember that above the sky there’s more sky and under the sky there’s still more sky… - the translation of the Indonesian phrase: di atas langit ada langit, di bawah langit ada langit, sounds terrible in English.

Why can’t people see beyond one’s CV or one’s outer-image and see the real person within… Everything is so superficial…

*another sigh*

Dhika*Shines

I’m sitting in the McKinsey office that is on the 40^th floor of GKBI… Looking down there’s streams of traffic everywhere you look. Want to go home but the hours that I’ll have to put in that journey alone is discouraging… I don’t know but for some reason, I’m feeling so low…

I guess when you get to see people and cars and buildings from one of the highest buildings in Jakarta it makes you wonder where we are all going to. I mean we run here and there, we rush everywhere but did we ever stop to consider why we’re doing all of this?

I feel so empty and powerless at this moment… We all talk about choices and decisions and yet what real power do we really have?

This morning I was stuck in a traffic jam for three hours because there was a demonstration in Barito, a market that sells fish and flowers (a weird combination aye…). The Jakarta government was reallocating all the shops to build a city park. They were tearing down the whole market without notice and disregarding the rights and feelings of the people. The demonstrators protested peacefully but were treated with total disrespect. And all they will get is a 2×2 shop to replace the shops where they have been getting their bread and butter for years.

The choices of these people were limited by the government’s incompetence to design a city park that was in the best interests of everyone.

It just doesn’t make any sense to me… None of it does…

All I can do is watch from above as everything unravels…

Dhika*Shines

This is the last month before we start class… aaahhh… the joy of youth and their holidays… the joy of waking up late having last minute plans to go out with friends… the joy of reading novels or playing Sims2 all day long… the joy of putting away all of our worries and anxieties into a box and throw away the key… yes, don’t we all just love the joy and pleasure of long vacations…

And yet… I am doing none of the above…

Why you might ask… Well, I have been working full time as a Language Assistant in McKinsey, the biggest consultant firm in the world… Now this is in many ways a new experience for me. Why? For one thing this is the first time that I’m actually working office hours from 8 am to 7 pm. As a free lance interpreter who’s still in university, these hours are killing me! Not only do I have to wake up at 4.30 am and leave at 5 from Depok to avoid morning traffic, I also spend most of my time sitting and snacking in front of my laptop… Not good for my weight… :p

The best description of my job as a Language Assistant is an interpreter/secretary/office girl…

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I hate this job. It’s actually quite interesting and it has a great office environment (unless everyone is stressing out and frowning in front of their laptops). It’s just that this is definitely not a job that I would do long term. It’s not a job that I would be passionate in doing.

But there are several things I like about the working environment… The first thing I like is the fact that the consultants come from a large variety of nationalities. In my particular team there’s one American, one Englishman, one Australian, one Austrian, and three Indonesians. So it’s very interesting to listen to the variety of humor and accents that go on all day.

Another thing that I like is that everybody is very passionate. It never occurred to me that anyone could be passionate about an office job. But these people have long and passionate discussions on problem solving, which is actually very interesting to listen to. It reminds of EDS UI and case building sessions! And they don’t even have lunch breaks – unless you call eating and discussing work as lunch breaks. I LOVE working around workaholics! They give out such energetic vibes… Hahaha…

So, what is the conclusion? I’m actually rethinking my future plans. I had it all set out to work in a non-profit organization or an international organization… but after this experience a job in an MNC – yes, those evil profit oriented companies – seems like an interesting career path to pursue. Oh no… I have been converted to the extreme right! LOL…

Well, I just realized I have many things to think about. What about you guys? Have you made up your mind about your future?

Dhika*Shines

I’ve been spending these past 10 days in Thailand participating in the World Universities Debating Championship 2007/2008. This year we marked a new record in Indonesia’s debating history by having four Indonesian teams (three from UI and one from ITB) break into the octofinals of English as Second Language rounds. As one of the teams, it was a privilege to be among the best and watch history in the making as many of the top debaters of the world competed and had fun in Thailand.

In the end, none of the Indonesian debaters managed to break into the quarterfinals but St. Astrid Kusumawardhani, a great debater and one of my very best friends became the third best speaker among the ESL participants. We are talking about a tournament with 396 teams! But now, everything is over. I’m waiting in Suvarnabhumi airport for my flight back to Jakarta.

This has been a great experience… Oh, and one of the main reasons why this was a great experience was because I tried out the traditional Thai massage… Who ever thought something so painful could feel so good… hhhmmmm…

Anyways, I’ll be writing more later… I just thought I would give everyone a short overview of this week.

Dhika

If you’ve been following the news, I’m sure you’ve heard of Emil Salim and the unfortunate events that followed his visit to the CSF village… Well, that was quite an interesting experience and I would like to talk about the discussions that I’ve had with the many NGOs that I’ve met… but… I’m just feeling a little lazy this afternoon.

These past two days the CSF events have been slow compared to the first week. So after interpreting a workshop this morning and translating a media release on Emil Salim’s ‘dismissal’ from the stage, I’m just slacking and relaxing… I should be doing class assignments for tomorrow… but… I’m just feeling a little lazy this afternoon.

~~~~~8}

So what should we talk about? Let’s talk about dreams! Last night I had a weird dream. I can’t remember the whole thing but it was weird because it was a dream about me dreaming and then analyzing the dream in my dream… Did you get that? So I was dreaming that I was dreaming. I can’t remember what my dream in my dream was about but I do remember that in my dream I woke up worried about my dream and went to a fortune teller to tell her about my dream. And she analyzed my dream… the thing is I can’t remember what she said! This is so annoying because it would have been interesting to know what your dream tells you about your future forecast… I woke up still thinking about what the fortune teller said but by the time I was really awake I could no longer recall what I was thinking about… weird???

Yeah well.. now I don’t really know what else to write about. I’m just trying to find something to do while I wait for the time to leave. We’re going to Kuta to do a prayer for the earth called ‘rawutan bumi’. I’ll come back with reports about that.

See you guys

Dhika

As many of you know, there’s a historical event coming about in Bali these two weeks. It’s the UN Forum on Climate Change. I would love to say that I’m a part of this event, but the fact is I’m not… Unfortunately… or perhaps fortunately?

No, I am a part of the committee for the Civil Society Forum which is a parallel event being held only a few minutes away from the UNFCC. If UNFCC is an international meeting between diplomats from almost every country all over the world, CSF is a national/international forum with participants from almost every NGO in Indonesia. The purpose of this forum is to share, inform and create a common position between environmental organizations within Indonesia and those outside of Indonesia.

As an International Relations studies student, I would have to admit that I’m jealous of everyone who can see and hear the talks in the UNFCC! I really want to hear professional diplomats talk and argue among one another. But, being a part of the CSF has been a reality shock for me. I feel like someone has thrown cold water on my face… I’ve heard testimonials and stories of activists and society from all over Indonesia and there are so many that still leaves me stunned!

For example, a lady from Gedebage, Bandung, talked about government’s plan to build an incinerator in her village. The local government held a meeting to socialize their plans to the society. But before the society could digest the new information, the local government had already used their signatures on the meeting’s attendance list as proof of society’s support towards the plans and the local government is now putting construction signs on top of the people’s land even though they haven’t even agreed in selling it.

Another story was from an old farmer from East Kalimantan, who lives in a small, simple village without electricity. A Korean coal company has bought his land to extract the rich resources that exist below his land. All of the trees in the forest surrounding him has been chopped down for this mining company and now, not only is his village destroyed he also has a hard time farming because without the trees it has become too hot to work above 10, which means he has to work longer hours into the evening.

Another sad story comes from Papua where big oil industries and timber companies are taking away indigenous land for their own profits. In Mooi for example, the indigenous leaders were brought to Medan, promised a lot of money for exchange of their land for a palm oil plantation. But until now, none of the villagers have been paid for their land or the energy that they have put out to plant the palm trees.

Reality is sad for those who are helpless and we really need to question the interests of governments when they enter their air conditioned rooms and cars… The irony of the whole situation is simply heartbreaking! And yet, even the civil society is not in sync with one another. While I was here I’ve witnessed the paradox between words and actions. People yell and scream about the danger of climate change and the helplessness of society and yet they throw garbage wherever, whenever, they smoke around others, and they don’t respect each other in a forum.

As a student, I really do not understand where all of this is coming to and where should I stand amidst all of this… Being a part of the government does not show the possibility of creating change and yet the civil society (not all of course) starts to seem redundant… After we graduate we will meet reality and it will not be as black and white as our textbooks seem to portray… and yet as part of a community we need to take sides. The question is where will you stand? And will your stance affect the direction towards where your arms reach out?

Dhika*Shines