Today, I finally spent one whole day in campus. For a student trying to finish her thesis and graduate, spending a day at campus shouldn’t be a surprise… But a student with a part time job and trying to run an institution… Today was truly a rare moment of life lately. I actually had time to eat lunch, a late-lunch and a dinner (I ate a LOT today) with friends! After several lunches in front of my laptop in an office and a late dinner alone at home… truly, this was a special day!
And so this got me thinking, what do I actually value and what makes me enjoy my life. This week has totally exhausted me… But the new people, new environment and new challenges that I face keep me upbeat and happy that I thought: “Perhaps this is the life that I want.”
But today, on campus and having a rare, layback day, I felt happy… Like really really happy. So it comes to the point where I question what success truly means for me. I used to think that I am driven by acknowledgement and achievement and defined prestige as success. Now, I’m not sure that those things -compliments, having your name on a poster or on TV, people asking weird questions and expecting really deep answers – are what I want…
I’ve been joining a number of workshops and trainings and they all seem to be saying the same thing: you have to decide what you want from a young age and reach out to it. But why can’t life just be something that you live one minute at a time? Why do we need to decide? Or are these questions just an excuse to avoid the responsibility of deciding a goal?
People talk about success as if we live for the future. Capitalists believe that more money means success, religious leaders talk about success in afterlife and politicians talk about power and authority. What if I just wanted to be happy NOW? Would that somehow compromise my future???
I’m spending more time asking questions rather than finding the answers…
Dhika*Shines
